Someone shit on the floor
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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