cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
