Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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