there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize