At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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