the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
