highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
