On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The uberlube is also flammable
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
