Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
