I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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