i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
