What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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