Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
