so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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