your parents love me but you hate me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dude. I can hear the air.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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