dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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