We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I smell like Dick and happiness
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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