it was like eating out sand paper
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize