Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
