please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
