i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
