i was born a porn star she said
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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