saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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