His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
