I wish my penis had an off switch
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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