I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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