what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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