So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
