I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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