Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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