She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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