how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
