A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
we should paint friendship bongs
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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