this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
