ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize