At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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