I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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