How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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