Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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