I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
