who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
