While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
