therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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