Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hippo gnu deer
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
