Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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