As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
