what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
