you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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