I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
