I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize