Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
