I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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