haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
