My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize