And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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