Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
