just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
