A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
