Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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