Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
