On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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