Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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