she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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