Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Who died my cat blue again?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
