I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Farmville is her only friend.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
