White coat. Heels.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Houston, we have a squirter
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize