GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
