My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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