Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
