Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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