my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
