im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
