I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
