remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
