I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
