dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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