Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
