i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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