At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
