I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
