that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
