I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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