she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I AM VODKA MAN
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize