I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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