Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
