If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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