Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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