btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
