Nicole vs. Life
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
