I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
