Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
