Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
