I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
