dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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