Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
