Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize