I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
