it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
