As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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