the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize