Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
