I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
