It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
