If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
