thus making me awesome and them whores
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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