Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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